So, we're just chillin' in the office when Konrad's new phone begans to ring. Not such a big deal as there are no kids around and we're all just pretending to work anyway. I mean, it's the end of the year for Pete's sakes. What, you want us to EARN our paychecks? Ha! I think not. Besides, it ain't like we do a lot of work anyway. I'm just kidding. We work like African immigrants fresh off the boat. Anyway, apparently Konrad doesn't know how to do anything with his new phone so we all have to be subjected to crazy random rings.
That's when I get my Great Idea. Yeah, it's such a fantabulous idea that it gets it's own name. My Great Idea. It's like family or something. "You know what?" I ask the room. After about thirty seconds of random guessing (it was sort of a rhetorical question, be tee double you) I unleash my Great Idea upon the rest of the 3-1-2.
"I'm gonna invent a cell phone ring that's just a person sneezing or coughing. That way instead of people getting pissed and telling you to shut it the fuck off, all they're gonna do is look at you and say 'God bless you.'" We took a quick vote and decided that this was, in fact, a Great Idea. I had even made plans to tender my resignation so I could devote all of my free time to making this happen. Little did I know that my hopes and dreams would gonna come crashing down harder than a meth addicted mom at the Betty Ford Center. That analagy made WAY more sense in my head than it did once I actually got it out of my head.
"Check this out," Konrad says to no one in particular. He then proceeds to play what sounds like a cross between a baby great white shark choking on a smaller, less menacing animal and a chainsaw. It turns out somebody already invented the cough/sneeze ringtone. I mean, they already invented it if you happen to sound like a 107 year old woman with emphasima when you cough. Which I don't. But if grandma's looking for an inconspicuous ringtone for her telegraph machine. Well, it's out there. Anyway, good thing I didn't resign. I guess I'll just keep teaching till a stroke of genius comes along. Or till a stroke comes along... whichever comes first.
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2 comments:
oh me oh my...long live the good old days in the 312...you forgot to mention that when talking to us, you had to contort your body around the filing cabinet/cubicle.
People should read this.
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